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Testimony in China 2006

 

Emily,

Thank you for sharing about forgiveness on May 23rd. It was my pleasure to be your translator at the time. Accent was not a problem as your pronunciation is very good indeed. The main difficulty, however, was sometimes I was tempted to think about what you have said instead of translating.

It was an inspiring speech and I could see some sisters cry. The tears, I am sure, would melt the ice in some part of their heart and fill them with sunshine with the love from God.

Writing an offender list is not easy. After I got back to my apartment, I found a time, being alone, with white paper and pens (black and red ones of course) laying before me. Then, the memory box opened. For a long time, I have thought: “It is over. I should forget about it and focus on the positive parts of my life.” Yet when I write down the offense, the pain and bitterness is still there. Despite all of the years laid between me, and all these things, they seem to have just happened yesterday.

To forgive a colleague who said bad things about you is relatively easy. To forgive what your parents did is much more difficult. Partly because of our culture. In Chinese culture, you will even feel guilty by just thinking of you needing to forgive them. No matter what they have or have not done, they are your parents. Everyone says my parents are good people. It is hard. Yet, I don’t know why I feel so unloved ever since my brother was born and wanted to cry almost every time after I called them. For the first time, I faced it and wrote it down.

Standing before the paper on which all the negative feelings were covered by the red ink, I slowly tore them into small pieces. Relieved…and then, joy!

Will these feelings come back? Maybe. Yet, I know I have told the truth, dropped the expectation, and handed over all these feelings to God. Emily, I still remember what you said about our identity in God: We are loved by Him! I should always remind myself about that, and thank you for reminding me. With that identity, I can love my parents better. I just pray one day God can open their heart to Him. I believe God will.

Hopefully, this letter is not too long to read. I hope to see you again! May God bless you with His abundant love.